So what do I have left besides this lipstick stained cigarette?
This is becoming a movie to me, I'm watching myself
The people around me just become a soundtrack
I nodd, smile, and say yes when needed.
I don't stop until I get enough.
I won't stop until the bottle is empty.
She calls my name but it's only an interruption to my thoughts.
We're all in the same room, but to me it's just me and my mind.
I repeat words over and over in my head until my thoughts are interrupted again
why why why why why why why why
are you there vodka? Its me, tiana.
It's just me and you now, you'll provoke me to cry myself to sleep
but i'll do anything to be able to not feel my heart beating in my ears anymore.
Like a hammer against cloth. Don't look for me, i'm lost.
distractions are all that's left and thats the best part yet
a synonym for friends I don't even care to see again.
and dont they all know that i'm just a fucked up girl.
but we're all fucked up aren't we? That's the reality of it.
My pain wouldn't be real if someone else didn't plant it inside me like a bomb.
He loves to watch me explode. Don't they all. I imagine he smiles as he read this. My pain is his pleasure. And my pleasure was just the assurance I had him. He'll never know his significance, and I'll never know why.